16th Jun 2022 07:52 - 2 years ago
Description : In 2017 my little cousin took his own life. My entire family blamed themselves for it. Never questioning what he was going through or what he may have been feeling. For a long time, I wanted to create a song where I put myself in the shoes of someone hurting. This song has a long way to go before it's finished. I wanted to share what I have thus far in hopes it inspires me to finish it.

Comments (10)

If you have time take a listen and give Modnex some feedback.

dimestop 29th Jun 2022 12:44 - 2 years ago
hi Modnex, nice track, you need to finish this. for your sake not just your young cousins, otherwise it will eat away at you. ive suffered this a number of times with friends, once is to many, ive suffered pain in the hardest form, my mum was murdered when i was 15, ive suffered mental health issues too and know all about blaming yourself, you ask yourself too many times, why didnt i see this, was i around enough, could i have done more. the truth is, you never really have the answers and the hurt kills you if you dont share your troubles, its not gonna take away the pain, but it lightens the load, i done a cathartic song about my mental health here (overwhelming thoughts) and had great support from the guys, remember your not alone in this, there's lots of people who have experienced it or similar and feel exactly the same as you and your family, reach out bro it helps, take it from somebody that has the t shirt, im 56 now and still feel the pain daily. life does move on and yes it does get easier just, you made the biggest step by sharing with us strangers that can be the biggest challenge, admitting your own hurt. i got your back. like everything you done, just needs mixing down better. i felt compelled to comment mate its brave to share personal shit.
Modnex replied 3rd Jul 2022 - 2 years ago
Thanks, Paul!! I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and the pain you've gone through. Life is hard and sometimes it feels overwhelming being here. But, it's best to take it day by day and step by step. When my cousin passed, my entire family was in a state of shock. We couldn't believe he would do that. Then slowly, more and more details started coming out about his case. He attempted to take his life once before, but got scared and called an ambulance after downing a bunch of pills. That side of the family wanted to keep it hush, hush, so they put him in a mental hospital under 72 hours' watch and didn't tell the rest of us. He told his dad he would never go back to an institution, which now knowing what we do, meant the next time he attempted it, he wouldn't stop; he kept his promise.

In these types of situations, it's hard not to blame yourself, but the reality of it is, that nothing we would have/could have done would have changed the outcome -- it might have slowed it down, but if he was set in doing it, he would have found a way eventually. I'm so thankful for your support and that support works both ways. If you ever need an ear, I'm here.

Thanks, my friend. Take care for now.
BeatMaker4real 27th Jun 2022 17:51 - 2 years ago
Nice work on the track.
Modnex replied 29th Jun 2022 - 2 years ago
Thanks, BeatMaker!
pseudoble 26th Jun 2022 13:34 - 2 years ago
Hey there - I listened to this a while back but somehow didnt get to comment - i like this very much - nice indie rock vibe (I always liked pavement and similar bands just a little more grit and quirkiness but in the alt country ball park and the sound reminds me of that) - everything about this is good, instrumentation, beats, vocal, lyric, sound, it's just not finished so ... please do keep going with it : )
Modnex replied 29th Jun 2022 - 2 years ago
Thanks, psuedoble!! I appreciate the kind sentiment. Indie rock music sounds are always great. I enjoy the good music comparisons. I agree with you, I really need to finish this, I hope I can soon.

Thanks for the kind words.
Cyberflares 18th Jun 2022 17:05 - 2 years ago
Def has that end of 80's vibe
bass remins me in The The
vocals between the cure singer and the singer from the the at bits overall loved the way the vox was i think my resemblance to th eboy from th ecure is quite pap on with the way you sang it in my head anyway.
great track man look fowrward to listening to the end product.

2017 hmmm i hear you man i was a balls hair away from being 6 foot under with a virus ended up alseep for 3 weeks but i pulled through just to loose my younger brother the year later its a horrid thing for a family to ever go through and i am sorry for your loss but by doing this for your cuz has helped you in the process again good work that means something
well done :)
Modnex replied 18th Jun 2022 - 2 years ago
Thanks, CyberFlares! Being compared to Robert Smith from the cure is a great honor. I truly appreciate that. It sounds like 2017 was a rough one for a lot of people. I'm happy you were able to overcome your virus and heal. But am saddened to hear you had to deal with the loss of your brother right after. That couldn't have been easy. We have to stay strong and keep doing what we love. That's usually the only cure for these things.
2Sisters 18th Jun 2022 14:06 - 2 years ago
there are certainly many people who have to endure similar strokes of fate. Very few are able to cope with it. So all respect for people like you, who deal with suffering musically. And that too in public! stick to the song ! The only thing I would do differently is the abrupt ending. All respect and all the best Manu
Modnex replied 18th Jun 2022 - 2 years ago
Thanks, Manu! It's very sad that a lot of people have to go through this. Depression is no joke. One could only hope for the strength to endure and hope for a better tomorrow.

Thanks for all the kind words.
phantomproduction 17th Jun 2022 09:50 - 2 years ago
a beautiful tribute! the end ends a bit abruptly, good job man!
Modnex replied 18th Jun 2022 - 2 years ago
Thank you, Michael! I appreciate the kind regards.
kingmt77 17th Jun 2022 00:41 - 2 years ago
Modnex, condolences to you and your family from me and my family. This work is a honorable tribute to your cousin. There’s a possibility that someone struggling with the same battle will listen and know that someone cares. Hats off to you and also the mix is full on point. Take it all the way.

Modnex replied 18th Jun 2022 - 2 years ago
Thank you, Mark! As an artist and someone who has dealt with struggles and knows people who have. I would love it if my songs could touch someone who is having these same struggles and let them know they matter.
BaoBou 16th Jun 2022 15:26 - 2 years ago
First of all condoleances. I've unfortunately gone through this 4 times and it never stops hurting.
I think the song has promise; I also think there are some improvement points. The strong points are I think the drums, chord scheme and lyrics. Your voice works well (cool britpop style), but check to see that the tune you're singing fits the scale of the chords.
Definitely keep working on it, making music is cathartic and it can also help others (or even yourself) to write these things down. All the best to you and your family!
Modnex replied 18th Jun 2022 - 2 years ago
Thanks, BaoBou! I appreciate the condolences and am very saddened to hear you had to go through this too. Once is enough. I couldn't even imagine what it must have been like to go through this four times. Sorry for all those that you lost. Stay strong. I appreciate your honesty with the criticism. I'm always aiming to improve my vocals. With each track I do, I can hear the improvement, so all hope is not lost just yet lol. As for the scale; Were you referring to the key of the track? I feel the key wasn't off. The way I sang this was done purposefully. As that was the style I was going for at the time. I wanted it to sound upbeat yet dreary at the same time. Which could understandably make it sound off-key. I was going for a "foster the people - Pumped up kicks" type of vibe. Not sure I succeeded but that was the idea at the time. Thanks for stopping by.
Danke 16th Jun 2022 14:31 - 2 years ago
very cool one ...
knowing the background of the song, I was expecting a different mood and I was very surprised by this song that conveys new wave feelings from the 80's ... the stuff is very good musically ... congratulations ...
fistbump, Danke
Modnex replied 18th Jun 2022 - 2 years ago
Thanks, Danke! The new wave comparison made me smile. I love music from that era and always strive to implement 80-type sounds into my own music. Happy to know that I succeeded here.
Zootman 16th Jun 2022 10:19 - 2 years ago
I think u should finish it, one, because it's a really good song and I liked your vocals. And two, it would be a nice gesture to your little cousin. All the best man.
Modnex replied 16th Jun 2022 - 2 years ago
Thanks, Zoot! I appreciate the words of encouragement. I need to finish this one, if not for him then for him.

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