Binary regreetings, highly advanced computer software program masquerading online as a real world Missouri bass bro.

Damn, will I ever stop commenting on this track? Only time will tell...

Your new avatar looks good though there's quite a lot of beard and not much hair. It also looks just like Nick Oliveri, another bass player, from Kyuss, QOTSA and other bands. You have been busted, computer software, so next time choose a picture of a less well known closet-dwelling bass player.

"It's the title of a Puscifer song"

Not quite - that's Vagina Mine. I always interpreted that as a variation of "my vagina" rather than the more amusing idea of a vagina miner, like a coal miner (an idea I got from you).

Some of the Puscifer stuff is good, some really isn't. Perhaps my favourite song is The Mission - the one featuring Milla Jovovich, who sounds amazing on it.

Puscifer is a terrible band/project name; quite immature really, as is Cuntry Boner.

In other vag news, I was out kayaking the other day with a friend on a small London river and saw the following graffitti on a bridge:

neo vagina

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is it what neo Nazis are into? Or is it some sort of advanced, super special designer vagina I haven't come across (haha) just yet?

No, mic still hasn't shown up though I've not been looking for it so that's no surprise.

I'm currently really struggling to do much good in terms of music. Not happy with my playing abilities or sound and feel like I've run out ideas on guitar. I do now have a bow for the cello but haven't started using it yet. I'm busy working on a half decent track merging some dance music you'll hate with some reasonably tasty, funky and mildly badass bass g and guit fiddle riffage.

Track will probably be called Tesseradecade. You would normally not continue listening after 10 secs of that sort of music but, as it's me, you might just give it a chance to see what it develops into (something you'll probably like).

And now I bid you bye bye

Later, anal gyrator...

Sup, Mystery*

I like the idea of a vagina miner though I guess that's kind of a gynaecologist. Or maybe it's somebody who knows how to extract the precious resources within - diamonds, gold, sapphire - that sort of stuff. Maybe a really effective vagina miner (which totally still rhymes) is, like the fine Kyuss song, a One Inch Man. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAXGu81Rk1g

Sorry to miss out on your epic mega reply but it's your own damn fault. I always type in a separate document and then apply my favourite music making technique - Ctrl C, Ctrl V.

Damn, you're right - a faggot is a bundle of sticks, not one stick. Dumb me.

I also used to be a big fan of Dookie (not that I knew what the word meant) and still think it's a bit of a classic album. I even used to play Longview in my teenage school band (me on bass g).

Then they went all big and popular and I have no interest in anything they do. Pretty hard making lots of good songs when your formula is so limited.

"Couldn't disconnect hand from foot"

Me too, to an extent. I used to play drums a bit and even performed as the drummer for 5 nights in a theatre production of Cindarella when I lived in the tiny Gulf country called Qatar. But coordination is hard and playing fuckin fast and varying your grooves and doing accurate badass fills is so hard. And then there's complex jazz drumming, which is another awesome art.

One of a few reasons my tracks tend to be so drum-heavy is because I love quality drummers and guess I'm trying to emulate them. I love great drumming as much as any other instrument. Perhaps, in some ways, more.

Fuck me, that Tidewater accent is amazing! So damn funny.

A mild sorry for the confusing "illegal data aggregator".

I've been mining the 'later' rhymes for a while now for goodbyes and 'aggregator' was my latest so needed something to go with it. No meaning beyond that.

Later, effeminate bundle of sticks.

*Mr E

All hail The Evanator
He ain't no mothafuckin' hater
He always bringin' us a tasty bass riff
Don't turn away
Get in front of it

Vag-based regreetings, my fun china.

Not much work to do at work so I'm back yet again for more chit-chat. Mostly chat plus a little chit.

I watched the Louis CK link kindly provided by The Cru Dawg and am still confused over how you damn American chaps and chapesses pronounce that vag word. He seems to be having a laugh about what I consider the standard way of pronouncing it. I've heard it mentioned on loads of US TV shows and movies over the years and I'm certain it's always pronounced exactly as us Brits say it, just with whichever flavour of US accent the character has.

Yes, "rubbers" in the UK are not really condoms. We sometimes say "johnnies". I don't but other people do, not that I know why. Here, "fags" are not homosexuals but standard slang for cigarettes though we stil have "faggot", though that's seen as pretty damn offensive. What the gay community might even call The F Word, though that's a total guess. A faggot is actually a stick so no idea why gay people ended up being called that.

"I keep hearing that Looperman was not nearly as user friendly as it is now."

Yeah, it was pretty crap. Having a waveform is useful - often indicates to me the sort of track I shouldn't bother clicking on.

But the most significant change by far is the featured tracks page. I joined 4 years ago and did and got a few reviews but hardly "met" anyone and had no idea where to start or anything. So, I stopped using it until about 2 years later. Then I met you, Crucethus, The Valve and others. It's all because of featured tracks. That helps you see what other people are saying and guarantees that other people can find your work. Without it, how would I even know if you'd uploaded a new nice track bro? Before featured tracks, hardly anyone would find my music. Why should they as it was indeed all just a big, long list of tracks in the various different (and fairly limited) genres.

I have not seen or heard of Housebound but will check it out on your recommendation.

I get your point about people who comment on my tracks with no registered "Play" from them. Thanks as I hadn't quite worked that one out.

Finally: G minor for your vagina, G maj for your vag

Later, illegal data aggregator.

Grüezi:
So Louis CK does a great bit on the pronunciation of Vagina in Boston as Vaginer.. about 6 min in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obaljnK6Qnk&html5=1
My grandmother spoke with a massive Brooklyn accent. She used to call a toilet a terlet, and Oil earl. Myself I love the Tidewater accent, which is two isolated islands off the Virginia coast whose speakers sometimes drift into the only form of Elizabethan (maybe, maybe not) English known to exist. This is the Accent the founding fathers of the U.S. most likely spoke. A weird construct of Southern Dialect and Midlands English.
https://vimeo.com/4037124
Peace.
Crunalinguist

Sick man, would love to hear this track on a quality label like OWSLA or Mau5trap. Perhaps even Spinnin Records?

has an industrial feel to it
Nice
Onsi3

And I'm back...in black*

Not much to do at work so I'm replying to you yet again.

G minor for your vagina totally rhymes without using a Brooklyn accent. The "-inor" and "-ina" are perfect rhymes. Unless you're saying one of those words a bit weirdly (admittedly, to my English ears). I couldn't hear a huge amount of accent on your 'Speak Up' thread recording but maybe you have some little quirks, like saying "minor" more like "my gnaw".

I know you sometimes trawl through the Rock tracks but, damn, going 100 pages deep is some serious searching. The kind I couldn't be bothered to do. Would take ages.

You could do with expanding your musical horizons beyond bass g and guit fiddle but you know what you like by your age so I guess there's no real point in suggesting anything. You also occasionally listen to some of my occasional guit-free tracks.

One of those will be the 46&2 cover, which is going fairly well though there's no obvious end in sight as my hugely rearranged structure is a bit confusing to work with. I'm looking forward to unleashing this ass-kicking riff-fest on your hopefully highly critical Tool-soaked ears but must wait until it's done.

I've gone through the awesome lyrics and have got so many potential titles for it. Right now, I'm going with What It Takes To Step Through as that's the coolest, most life-affirming vocal. Very powerful delivery. Make other title suggestions, if you like. Wallowing In My Own Chaotic Insecure Delusions is another contender.

"mystical bit comes only from all the sitar"

There's really not that much in my music though perhaps there are some layers of sound that give off a related vibe. I do actually have a real sitar but never even play it as them cheesewire strings are lethal bitches. Torture/death scene in a movie could just be forcing a guy to play heavy sitar riffage for an hour or so (till he bleeds out).

Here's my shortest track on Looperman (3:59!!!) that features some tasty guit fiddlin merging with sitar. Not sure if you've heard it.

Random Acts Of Human Kindness

https://www.looperman.com/tracks/detail/155503

We will talk more, cheap whore.

*A temporary ethnicity reassignment. Also grants me the moral license to liberally sprinkle that N word over every sentence I utter. Such freedom...

Sup, my Sub-Saharan*

It's not brilliant but there is something I like about China-High for your lazy eye.

My final, for now, offering:

G minor for your vagina**

I'm pleased with that one as I couldn't find anything music-related to rhyme with 'cunt'.

I have listened again to your Star Forge and noted the additional niceness you have injected.

Wah is much improved and acoustic g is particularly strong.

The thing I like most about the overall track is how much it sounds like an actual band. I guess some sections of my music sound like that though it's not really something I try to make happen. It can also be cool if it clearly doesn't sound like a live band. I just try do whatever sounds good.

I guess it's about not playing too perfectly and in too uniform a manner and having a good dynamic range. You've probably noticed a whole load of Looperman tracks that you can see are mere copy and paste jobs without even listening to them ie that's what the waveform shows (same thing repeated, with no dynamic variation or surprises).

With the ending here, I thought "Oh no, another basic fadeout" when the fading started but then it turned into something more elegant and enjoyable.

Regarding "somewhat mystical", I'm surprised you got the word wrong as you clearly meant 'mysterious', which is not the same thing.

But I'm only mysterious because there's all sorts of stuff that I haven't revealed about myself. I had no idea that was any sort of issue or that anyone I'd never actually met would be particularly interested in hearing my general, perhaps boring, life details.

"you seem to be a bit private"

Not really - I just don't get into loads of personal details on a site in which I talk 90% about music. I only ever chat occasionally about non-music stuff to a select small group ie The Valve, Crucethus and maybe a couple of others. It's only with you that I go off into substantial deviations about anything and everything weird and wonderful.

"others would think less of you if they saw you as a normal person"

I never considered that and don't really think much about my image. On this site, I'm just a musician and maker of nice tracks bro.

I can answer some other personal detail questions if you like.

"a sonic super-villain who travels to other dimensions and worlds and returns to display the other-worldly soundtrack and cosmic vibrations"

I like that description and it is what I'm trying to do, though through instruments and software as I can't yet afford a spaceship.

Later, (G) stringbreaker.

*A vague ethnic grouping chosen entirely for its alliterative qualities.

**Or maybe that should be V minor - the special, hidden vag chord.

A kick to your dick*

Shame on me for not thinking of 'slide for your hide'. But maybe 'hide' is a bit subtle/leftfield in terms of anatomy. That's why I thought I'd enlist your help as my earlier list was all I could manage. Oh no, here's another:

Drumroll for your dickhole

I don't like the organ or shaker attempts.

Damn, I see now that you've updated this track, potentially converting it into a nicer track bro. I will listen later, when I'm able. So, just a reply to your reply for now.

Now it has been explained, I get and appreciate your "two hunches" joke. Not a bad one at all. Quite subtle - too subtle and elliptical for me before so explanation was needed.

"The only kind I'm good at"

I disagree.

I wonder why you think I'm somewhat mystical. Must be some element of my writing I'm unaware of. I'm not really - more just a joker with a strong and bizarre imagination. My butler writes all my jokes for me (including this one) so you can blame him for any air of mysticism.

Kayaking through London was OK but I felt a bit unwell doing it in the heavy afternoon sun and with some serious chop from the tidal river's waves. Couldn't get out of the boat (ie land anywhere) for about 5 miles so quite a relief when I did. I hung out with a bunch of people living in a disused restaurant by the river, which is just above the little beach where I tied my boat up.

So: more thoughts later on your update, if I have any.

I bid you a Jew

*A standard, friendly greeting in masochist circles.

Evan. Dude. This is now completed badassary.

The Wah section is much better. It fits in there like it's supposed to now. Good job.

The ending seems to be more clean. The added guitar over the fade out works.

It's definitely much more solid now. Not that it wasn't before, though.

Thanks for the extra guit-fiddle tips. That's the kind of stuff most people don't think to tell you. They just say, "Get this pedal. Get that Pedal." or "Buy stuff for making the things do the stuff." or, "you don't already know how to play, so I can't help you." Assclowns.

Anyhow. It sounds like you enjoyed your 4th just fine. If I could still burn the green, I would. My wife can, and it kinda makes me envious sometimes. We had a decent time. We had a group of friends and family over for a big-ass BBQ and blowout bonananaza. Everyone went home full of food and beer, and with all their fingers still attached. So, I'd say it was a success.

Again, awesome reworking here, mister!
Take 'er as she comes. Easy, with any luck.

Aaron.

"I used to be a necrophiliac till a rotten bitch split on me."
"

Ahhh, Well when I go, I want to go like my Grandfather did........ Died Peacefully in his sleep.......Unlike his passengers who died screaming and crying!!........¯\_(ツ)_/¯

New mix sounds more Cohesive and very professional. Me likey long time would be how I would say my feelings if I was born in ohhh I' don't know say Shanghai and forced to wear a mini skirt and parade out on the street soliciting strangers. Fortunately I speak proper English.........makes the transactions easier , I would gather. (^‿^). Anyhooo Time is Money.
Crustitute

Absolutely great track! It sounds to me as a good example of progressive rock track (although the tag is a bit outdated nowadays)with some ingredients of industrial....good and captivating intro introduces us to this pleasant journey and there are some very exciting changes along the way (1:37 for example, to mention just one). Excellent work....in the 'fav' it goes!:)

Compliments and respect______Orlando

Sweet! Thanks for the links. I didn't dig down too deep, but at first look, they look pretty handy. I'll be digging deeper for sure.
I had a guitar way back before the beard, and the gray hair from which it's made. I didn't know how to play it back then, either. But, I came up with some pretty cool shit that I still remember. Since I started doing this whole Looperman thing, I've learned A LOT about music, so this time around, the intention is to actually learn the damn thing and play it like it's supposed to be played. Not just hammered on with the distortion cranked to 11. For now, I may be able to piece together enough riffs to be able to put out a track or two. I just need to pick up an interface before I do.

"...it is an actual wah pedal controlled by my foot. It's recorded in."

I guess I knew that. With everything I do being a plug-in that basically lays over the top of whatever I'm modulating, I sometimes forget that not everyone does that, and can't just delete a setting.

"I don't want the taking of my advice to make you dislike one of your own tracks. We do what we do for ourselves. Not others, but others give an important non-partial opinion that can help in songwriting. "

That's the perfect way to look at it, my friend. That's why I always say "take it, or leave it." Because it's all just my opinion with the intent to expose a new angle for consideration.

As far as the evil synth solo with your bass....do it. Do it now. Or later. But totally, I'm all for it. Whenever that perfect, minimal bass makes itself present, just let me know.

"All are us belong to your bass."

In 2000, there was an internet meme that took a gabber-techno track that had broken English from some Japanese video game, and made a gif of it. Thing got huge. It's old enough now that it's past all of it's living stages as a meme, and retired as a classic. Now, it gets used unironically, and referred to as if it's an old friend. Stupid fuckin' meme.

Here's the meme...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fvTxv46ano

It's a terrible song, but entertaining none the less.

Alright man, I gotta split. Big-ass BBQ and kaboombooms to get ready for. Have a good 4th, and be safe, man.

Take care.

(1 of 2)

Ok. I'm back with yet another installment of "What the hell was Valvedriver thinking, anyhow?!"

A question that's been asked several times in my life. Today was one of those days, too. I saw Mad Max: Fury road. That movie was ab-so-god damned-lutely perfect in all of it's cinematic post-apocalyptic, metal-as-Hell badassery. So much so, that I could not contain my proverbial hardon. Therefore, directly after the movie, I went out and shot my load all over a B.C. Rich, complete with coffin case, and cheesy ironic metal awesomeness. Thus, marking it as my territory. So, here I sit. The proud new owner of a guitar that I don't even know how to play.

That's how freakin' awesome that movie was!

That business about being sweat-logged by 10 am. Not cool, man. Heh, literally. I can relate to your sun induced misery, though. The steel mill is about the same. Just make sure you DO keep yourself hydrated. That heat exhaustion is no joke. Also, pedialyte, is kinda delicious on a hot day. Try to eat fresh fruits in the mornings. They have natural sugars and carbs that help out a lot.

Shall we?

I like the intro. It is very Celtic/folk sounding. It kind of lures you in with a false sense of security before sinking it's hooks into you.

For the reverse slide into the drums, have you thought about taking out the reverse cymbal, and letting the last note of the acoustic guitar sustain a full note, then, the drums and bass will come in like someone kicking in a door.

Jump to the ending. 3:30 to be specific. I don't know how much more you plan on doing to this, but here's my suggestion. Bookend the intro. But, don't just use the same part. Instead, rebuild the riff with all your badass bassery, so they're all one intense, high energy riff that brings you full circle. Then re-introduce the guitar lead from 0:30, and lay it ever so delicately over the top. Finish it out with an abrupt ending, letting that last note sustain again. Here is where you drop in your reverse cymbal. Like a ramp on a cliff to launch a big rig off of it's edge.

Does any that make a lick of sense? It's hard to put brain-sounds into word-texts.

The "wah" part. I like it. But it doesn't fit in this song. It's kind of like, Wah the hell is this doing here? (Ba-dump-PSH!) Maybe just turn off the wah, but leave the guitar there as it is played.

"When I'm not feeling it, I don't TRY to feel it. I think the last two tracks have benefited from that approach. "

Fuckin' A, they have.

(2 of 2)

I think, overall, you're making leaps and bounds. Probably that "Let It Be" approach. Which reminds me, I'm kind of surprised Static would take an interest in Elvis. I'm more of a Beatles guy, myself. My wife...she's a G.G. Allen type. She's actually got a tattoo of Elvis, hunched over on the shitter with a sandwich clenched in his dead hand.

I don't really have any technical suggestions other than the ideas for the parts you mentioned not being too sure on. I think it sounds pretty damned sweet. So, take 'em, or leave 'em. But whatever you do, keep cool under that sun, man.

All are us belong to your bass.
Aaron.

Bass for your face
Drums for your thumbs
Keys for your knees
Guit fiddle for your middle

No keys in this but you get the idea. Any other instrument-anatomy connections?

I would not have guessed I would care much for Elvis. I never listen to his music but do like a few songs and greatly respect him and like him when I see him interviewed.

I was in Memphis for 2 days and was booked in to visit Sun Studios and Graceland as part of the music-related holiday I did (3 days Chicago, 2 Memphis, 6 New Orleans, 0 Ozark meth land).

3:07 wah is OK - bit like dance music synths there. Not great but OK and short so no big deal but removing it would not hurt the track at all. Maybe best to do that as it's so brief.

3:29 lead has a horn kinda quality/mood. Strange, eh?

Fadeout ending is a bit of a copout, something I've said before. I think you've even changed and improved fadeout endings I've complained about.

"TWO kinds of hunches"

Can't say I really got that reference.

Fear not, the butler will not disclose your email. I have no need to do a background check on him as he was conceived and raised specifically for buttling duties. Those bred for specific roles can always potentially stray and betray their masters so I always keep a close eye on him, just in case.

Consider this track fully reviewed.

I'm off kayaking through central London tomorrow and then at the weekend on other side of the country (towards you but that ocean would take a while so not this time).

I bid you adieu.

Evan
Hello Mate,
Your guitar playing is heaven mate.
Wow wow wow fantastic track.
My hats off to you mate……..favs it goes.
Well done.
Jamid

Mr. Evan. How it be, man?

First, I just want to say this is a solid track. Everything, so far, is quality. The composition, the mixing, the instruments used. I have quite a bit of good, (and a minor suggestion or two.) to say about this track on it's own, and a few opinions related to things covered in previous comments. But, as it is, I've been awake for about 20 hours now. To try to attempt any intelligible word usings with the brain and the face and the typing of the things that make words and stuff...would just lead to the equivalent of a literary version of a Jackson Pollock painting.

Or the musings of a schizophrenic.

I will be back in the very near future to construct a coherent review.

Take care, Amigo
Aaron

An interesting track from you Evisma. Sorta reminds me of another that I cant for the life of me name, I only remember the beat. But, still great nonetheless. I do as well, get a Middle Eastern vibe; which I do enjoy. The Wah pedal does sound just a tad bit off to me, but you have stated certain things about in other comments, so I won't get into that. Gotta love Sintheticrecords ey?

-EYEDYE

Hey Evan, this is loaded with some far out strings and things! That intro reminds me of an 80s song by a band called Diesel - "Sausalito Summernight".

For me this has sort of an Arabic or Middle Eastern vibe to it. Yeah, pretty neat effect there with the Wah, you could have stretched that out a bit more for sure!
I Dig it man !

Wow rock on!
Love it.
At 3.07 there is what sounds to me like white noise through a wha wha peddle.
Doesn't sound like it belongs there but ... I've nackered my speakers and am listening to this at the moment on two small pc speakers with one of those centre bass units which isn't bad for playing pool on Miniclip but for music .... well I'm off out to get me some new speakers and headphones shortly.
Love it though.

Gree-fuckin-tings

I have not been to a Sun Factory but I did go to Sun Studios in Memphis in 2013. And then visited The King's house nearby, with its incredibly low walls - perfect for keeping out absolutely none of his hordes of fans. I still don't get that.

This has a cool and badass vibe, with the intro quite the acoustic surprise. Sounds kinda folky and 12-stringy.
Yet another reverse lead-in to take us into the drums. I'm not specifically complaining about it here, just pointing out that maybe you've done it too often across your body of bass work.

First riff has balls and a different and fine tone from you. 0:30 guitar slots in nicely. Quite a cool melody.

1:00 killer trill. Badassery fading away to take us into the next section.

Drums are pounding and faultless. Mostly those Sintheticrecords loops?

1:46 key change to make things more progressive.

2:00 octave bass jumps more like funk bass. Not something you do often.

2:23 cool percussive tones. Lovely layering of percussion.

This is really far out progressive stuff. Not like my psychedelic stuff but something else. More like prog rock.

Running outta words so I'll finish the review another time.

Great production, no real suggestions so far.

Later, private parts investigator.

Sintheticrecords, Has the best drums ehh? This is a wild ride indeed. This is also you going back a little bit into your familiar territory. I can hear your axe splitting the helium atoms to make hydrogen Fusing another star.
Nice work
Cru