Ok lets start with a positive. I really like the bass. It has a nice happy summery vibe. I think you hit the nail on the head with some of the other points. Overall there is a dullness. The sound qaulity is lacking some clarity and oomph. I think the bare bones are there to make a nice track. I accept that the vocal was freestyled but if you're gonna do it again you have an opportunity to improve that area. Maybe work with a singer instead?
I absolutely agree with everything you said. The guy rapping has never been much of a singer (he's more of just a musician) and I think that would really set it off if we had one. Other than that it was pretty much made for fun and I had a blast doing it. I really appreciate your review and hopefully I will get better from here ;)
on Gville Sound by White Trash by RasJB