I like your ideas. Though, you should consider some of tipps:
Your 808 is nice, but at the döö du dö dü part (0:55) you could´ve made them a bit longer, it sounds too hectic. I tend to do mine between 1/8. or 1/4. Your kick could need some distortion and let it sit at around -3db. 808 can be at (-9)-(-12minimum). Hope my advice can be of help too you.
on Slide UK drill FREE by Psycrosis
on NY UK Drill by pashkita
Your 808 is nice, but at the döö du dö dü part (0:55) you could´ve made them a bit longer, it sounds too hectic. I tend to do mine between 1/8. or 1/4. Your kick could need some distortion and let it sit at around -3db. 808 can be at (-9)-(-12minimum). Hope my advice can be of help too you.