Hey man, I like that you're trying. I would definitely work a bit on the 808 you used. It's a fine sound, but I think it's a little off key. My tip would be playing the 808 notes in a high octave so you know its the right note, then dragging them down into a lower octave but on the same notes.
on Tides Chorus by MelodicMoe
Or you can drop a Soundcloud link also, so everyone else can hear it.
Peace!
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