Help On Corect English At My Lyric

Hello all.

I wrote some lyrics when i was working on SBMs mastering competition. (i listen so often to the music, that i had to do so. And it helped a little for some timeing things).
I asked SBM to use his track for some vocals and he sayed - doit. His song is realy good and i dont want to make it bader cause i used wrong english words/times/things like that .......

I am from germany and so i often dont get the gramma right :) and i dont know to much words in english at all and sure i dont know the right times on all verbs ..... and and and.

So i need some help to make it good. And thats the point where it comes to you. Here are the lyrics that i wrote. Would be nice if you could corect them and post that right here.

-Home- by Joe Cramer 17.09.2014

I was lost - in the djungle
In the djungel of love - i lost my mind.
But there was a girl - in the djungle of love.
She took my hand and said - I know the way.
We followed the river - out of the djungle
We followed the river - down to the beach - and she said
Come on lets go down - down to the beach
Come on boy lets go down - down on the beach - and she smiled.
There are million stars - they shine every night
each one for a lover - in this univers
There should be two new - in the sky tonight
Will you be my lover? - Will you hold me tight? - and she said
I will guide you tonight - to the place that you lost
`cause you cant walk on - this way alone.
I will stay with you - right on your side
I wanna be you lover - be two stars in the night
I will follow you blind - whereever you go
Please follow the way - that i dont know.
Take me home - Take me home
Take me home - tonight

---- If you think you need to use complete diffrent words or so, dont mind, just do so.------

Hope you can help
Joe

I was lost - in the djungle(jungle)
In the djungel(jungle) of love - i lost my mind.
But there was a girl - in the djungle(jungle) of love.
She took my hand and said - I know the way.
We followed the river - out of the djungle(Jungle)
We followed the river - down to the beach - and she said
Come on lets go down - down to the beach
Come on boy lets go down - down on the beach - and she smiled.
There are million stars - they shine every night
each one for a lover - in this universe
There should be two new - in the sky tonight
Will you be my lover? - Will you hold me tight? - and she said
I will guide you tonight - to the place that you lost
`cause you cant walk on - this way alone.
I will stay with you - right on your side
I wanna be you lover - be two stars in the night
I will follow you blind - wherever you go
Please follow the way - that i don't know.
Take me home - Take me home
Take me home - tonight

I think I got the errors but i've dealt with "bad" English my whole life, so it's hard for me to correct it haha. Good job though. :)

I don't see any problems with any of your words Joe :D mispelled a few but as long as you know what you're trying to say that's all the matters. Pretty good you can write in other languages than your own :D

I was lost - in the jungle
In the jungle of love - i lost my mind.
But there was a girl - in the jungle of love.
She took my hand and said - I know the way.
We followed the river - out of the jungle
We followed the river - down to the beach - and she said
Come on lets go down - down to the beach
Come on boy let's go down - down on the beach - and she smiled.
There are a million stars - they shine every night
each one for a lover - in this universe
There should be two new - in the sky tonight
Will you be my lover? - Will you hold me tight? - and she said
I will guide you tonight - to the place that you lost
`cause you can't walk on - this way alone.
I will stay with you - right on your side
I wanna be you lover - be two stars in the night
I will follow you blind - wherever you go
Please follow the way - that I don't know.
Take me home - Take me home
Take me home - tonight

WOW
That was realy realy fast :)

So you both think that the words are corect. mmmmmmm i believed i done lot of mistakes :)

So thanks a lot for your fast help!
(i know why i love this place)

stay tuned
joe

It's art so I wouldn't insist or anything, but you might mean "right by your side." :)

@ellelaurelrose
Thanks a lot.

That was exactly what i was looking for. After i read your -by your side- i had this ahhhhhh yes shit right feeling :)

nice to know that are loopers around who understand me ;)

thanks again
joe

I might change "Please follow the way - that I don't know"
To Please show me the way or please lead the way, but I don't have the melody so I don't know the consonant to rhythm effect you are trying to achieve.
Cru

@Cru
Thanks a lot for your help.

I already done a version here on looperman, cause i had this words in mind while is was in the SBM competition.
The words i used in that version are, right now, wrong on two lines.
first this - by your side
and your - please lead the way
(cause i think lead is the right word)
but a - please lead me/us the way would be fit better :)
(would that be ok?)

check it out under
https://www.looperman.com/tracks/detail/161535

joe

Ahh OK, that frame of reference helps.

A few more things then.
"I will stay with you - right on your side
I wanna be you lover - be two stars in the night
I will follow you blind - whereever you go
Please follow the way - that i dont know.
Take me home - Take me home"
Change too
I will stay with you - right BY your side
I wanna( could also say will if you want to make a confident point) be your lover - LIKE two stars in the night
I will follow you blindLY -IN whereever you go (you could also say roam)
Please follow MY HEART - IN that (could say what also) i dont know.
Take me home - Take me home

Thanks a lot Cru
:) a few questions

"story" goes
first
--She took my hand and said - I know the way.
then later she said
--`cause you can't walk on - this way alone.
then i say/answer/beg
Please follow the way - that I don't know.

i cant change that realy into - please follow MY heart
or?

i understand this blind change to blindly :) but what means this IN, in - IN whereever you go - ?

I am realy happy to get help like this.
joe

Ok so the in means literally "in" anyplace you go.
that I don't know
and maybe you could write "please help me find the way that I don't know"
so many options.

lol-fun post