Help On Corect English At My Lyric

Posts 1 - 12 of 12
  1. 1231236
    joecramer : Wed 22nd Oct 2014 : 7 years ago

    Hello all.

    I wrote some lyrics when i was working on SBMs mastering competition. (i listen so often to the music, that i had to do so. And it helped a little for some timeing things).
    I asked SBM to use his track for some vocals and he sayed - doit. His song is realy good and i dont want to make it bader cause i used wrong english words/times/things like that .......

    I am from germany and so i often dont get the gramma right :) and i dont know to much words in english at all and sure i dont know the right times on all verbs ..... and and and.

    So i need some help to make it good. And thats the point where it comes to you. Here are the lyrics that i wrote. Would be nice if you could corect them and post that right here.

    -Home- by Joe Cramer 17.09.2014

    I was lost - in the djungle
    In the djungel of love - i lost my mind.
    But there was a girl - in the djungle of love.
    She took my hand and said - I know the way.
    We followed the river - out of the djungle
    We followed the river - down to the beach - and she said
    Come on lets go down - down to the beach
    Come on boy lets go down - down on the beach - and she smiled.
    There are million stars - they shine every night
    each one for a lover - in this univers
    There should be two new - in the sky tonight
    Will you be my lover? - Will you hold me tight? - and she said
    I will guide you tonight - to the place that you lost
    `cause you cant walk on - this way alone.
    I will stay with you - right on your side
    I wanna be you lover - be two stars in the night
    I will follow you blind - whereever you go
    Please follow the way - that i dont know.
    Take me home - Take me home
    Take me home - tonight

    ---- If you think you need to use complete diffrent words or so, dont mind, just do so.------

    Hope you can help
    Joe

  2. 891724
    TheRiot504 : Wed 22nd Oct 2014 : 7 years ago

    I was lost - in the djungle(jungle)
    In the djungel(jungle) of love - i lost my mind.
    But there was a girl - in the djungle(jungle) of love.
    She took my hand and said - I know the way.
    We followed the river - out of the djungle(Jungle)
    We followed the river - down to the beach - and she said
    Come on lets go down - down to the beach
    Come on boy lets go down - down on the beach - and she smiled.
    There are million stars - they shine every night
    each one for a lover - in this universe
    There should be two new - in the sky tonight
    Will you be my lover? - Will you hold me tight? - and she said
    I will guide you tonight - to the place that you lost
    `cause you cant walk on - this way alone.
    I will stay with you - right on your side
    I wanna be you lover - be two stars in the night
    I will follow you blind - wherever you go
    Please follow the way - that i don't know.
    Take me home - Take me home
    Take me home - tonight

    I think I got the errors but i've dealt with "bad" English my whole life, so it's hard for me to correct it haha. Good job though. :)

  3. 828980
    Burtsbluesboxes : Wed 22nd Oct 2014 : 7 years ago

    I don't see any problems with any of your words Joe :D mispelled a few but as long as you know what you're trying to say that's all the matters. Pretty good you can write in other languages than your own :D

    I was lost - in the jungle
    In the jungle of love - i lost my mind.
    But there was a girl - in the jungle of love.
    She took my hand and said - I know the way.
    We followed the river - out of the jungle
    We followed the river - down to the beach - and she said
    Come on lets go down - down to the beach
    Come on boy let's go down - down on the beach - and she smiled.
    There are a million stars - they shine every night
    each one for a lover - in this universe
    There should be two new - in the sky tonight
    Will you be my lover? - Will you hold me tight? - and she said
    I will guide you tonight - to the place that you lost
    `cause you can't walk on - this way alone.
    I will stay with you - right on your side
    I wanna be you lover - be two stars in the night
    I will follow you blind - wherever you go
    Please follow the way - that I don't know.
    Take me home - Take me home
    Take me home - tonight

  4. 1231236
    joecramer : Wed 22nd Oct 2014 : 7 years ago

    WOW
    That was realy realy fast :)

    So you both think that the words are corect. mmmmmmm i believed i done lot of mistakes :)

    So thanks a lot for your fast help!
    (i know why i love this place)

    stay tuned
    joe

  5. 883656
    NoellaRose : Thu 5th Feb 2015 : 7 years ago

    It's art so I wouldn't insist or anything, but you might mean "right by your side." :)

  6. 1231236
    joecramer : Fri 20th Feb 2015 : 7 years ago

    @ellelaurelrose
    Thanks a lot.

    That was exactly what i was looking for. After i read your -by your side- i had this ahhhhhh yes shit right feeling :)

    nice to know that are loopers around who understand me ;)

    thanks again
    joe

  7. 851137
    crucethus : Sat 21st Feb 2015 : 7 years ago

    I might change "Please follow the way - that I don't know"
    To Please show me the way or please lead the way, but I don't have the melody so I don't know the consonant to rhythm effect you are trying to achieve.
    Cru

  8. 1231236
    joecramer : Sat 21st Feb 2015 : 7 years ago

    @Cru
    Thanks a lot for your help.

    I already done a version here on looperman, cause i had this words in mind while is was in the SBM competition.
    The words i used in that version are, right now, wrong on two lines.
    first this - by your side
    and your - please lead the way
    (cause i think lead is the right word)
    but a - please lead me/us the way would be fit better :)
    (would that be ok?)

    check it out under
    https://www.looperman.com/tracks/detail/161535

    joe

  9. 851137
    crucethus : Sat 21st Feb 2015 : 7 years ago

    Ahh OK, that frame of reference helps.

    A few more things then.
    "I will stay with you - right on your side
    I wanna be you lover - be two stars in the night
    I will follow you blind - whereever you go
    Please follow the way - that i dont know.
    Take me home - Take me home"
    Change too
    I will stay with you - right BY your side
    I wanna( could also say will if you want to make a confident point) be your lover - LIKE two stars in the night
    I will follow you blindLY -IN whereever you go (you could also say roam)
    Please follow MY HEART - IN that (could say what also) i dont know.
    Take me home - Take me home

  10. 1231236
    joecramer : Sat 21st Feb 2015 : 7 years ago

    Thanks a lot Cru
    :) a few questions

    "story" goes
    first
    --She took my hand and said - I know the way.
    then later she said
    --`cause you can't walk on - this way alone.
    then i say/answer/beg
    Please follow the way - that I don't know.

    i cant change that realy into - please follow MY heart
    or?

    i understand this blind change to blindly :) but what means this IN, in - IN whereever you go - ?

    I am realy happy to get help like this.
    joe

  11. 851137
    crucethus : Sun 22nd Feb 2015 : 7 years ago

    Ok so the in means literally "in" anyplace you go.
    that I don't know
    and maybe you could write "please help me find the way that I don't know"
    so many options.

  12. 1060142
    Philemonster1 : Sun 22nd Feb 2015 : 7 years ago

    lol-fun post

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